I thought this story would end differently
I had stepped out of one meeting into another. It is rare that I have back to back meetings now.
But I left a truly back-slapping ha-yucking good time with 2 of my fellow instructional designers who were presenting on future horizons in education. We were all having such a good time (she says just like Uncle Albert, who loves to laugh, from Mary Poppins). And I had stayed in that meeting 15 extra minutes over time and wiped tears of laughter from my eyes hurriedly to prepare for the next meeting where I thought I would turn on my camera.
I had dropped into the next group meeting late before so I know it wasn't a problem. I was an attendee, not a presenter. I scoped out the attendee list as I listened to the presentation. The topic was Native American use of XR in education. 20 attendees. From the names, there appeared to be 3 total women. I was the only one on camera. I was the only one that spoke at the end the meeting as it wrapped (the speaker had to leave quickly and didn't take direct questions but the attendees did a little talking amongst themselves). We did a few polite comments-- which included me commenting on how intelligent the speaker's wife was--that he had referred to in his presentation/she wasn't there-- and the session wrapped up.
Later, I thought about the day and I thought about dropping my ID friends a note to explain the comparison of just how remarkable our friendship is...given that the following meeting was staid, and somewhat difficult to find a place for women (the 3 out of 20 thing.)
But I just contemplated that thought and didn't share it. And then, the story changed.
That second meeting runs on a 2 week rotation. Before the next 2 weeks came up, I received an email in my inbox. I'm paraphrasing:
"Are you having a problem paying the membership dues?"
Oh, crap. I knew what this was. Exactly.
Now I have to take this story backwards before I take it forwards again.
Because we have to go back 2 1/2 years ago to when a certain educational organization advertised on LinkedIn that they were looking for new members. The topic of educational use of XR was very interesting to me so I submitted my interest. The President of the group replied by email to me directly that I would be welcome to join. He directly sent me the meeting information at that time (I actually still have it at this very moment, ahem.) He also directed me to the page where the membership fees were posted.
Now, here is where the story starts to turn.
Membership fees for an individual are $500 US and for a full organization for $18,000. Even when I was a fully employed professor, I would not have paid that much for a membership. Given that I can say NOW what the quality of those meetings are (sorry, time warp there), I can certainly attest that those meetings are NOT worth $500 a year, which is $41 per month or said another way, about $41 per meeting. (Even though I said above that these meetings rotate on an every 2 week schedule, they frequently cancel, reschedule, follow international schedules which means that they allow for things, skip around conferences, etc.)
I explained to the President then that I, as a person unemployed and job seeking, could not afford this membership and that, as a act of good faith, I would NOT attend the meetings because I'd not paid for them.
And I didn't.
Fast forward to July 2021.
More than 2 years later.
New meeting leadership (still the same President though). They are desperate for meeting attendees, topics, discussions, buyers, sellers, anything. The meeting invites are quite nice and I'm getting directly invited. So I think, maybe they've dropped the mandatory membership requirement...
So I start going. And to be nice, I participate. I don't just suck blood and leave. I actually ask thoughtful questions and engage with the speakers, host, and audience. You know, that thing, it's called BEING A NICE PERSON. I attended a couple of months worth of their meetings.
Back to this story.
The President and his email and those dues.
"Are you having a problem paying the membership dues?"
He had tacked this line on top of an email he had dug out from 2.5 years prior. I can't find emails from last week in my inbox and he dug out one from more than 2 years prior. That's ballsy. He's going for blood.
OK. I'll play.
I replied (paraphrased). Yes. Still unemployed. Can't afford it. BTW, was considering presenting for your group. You can forget that.
By the way, never contact me again.
Door slam.
So the what's the moral of this story?
The comparison was how DRAMATICALLY differently I was treated within moments in different places.
In one place, honored colleague. To even have to use the word "equal" would be funny because we were all teasing and having such a good time.
In the other place, deficit thinking. It was a google meeting, for goodness sake. How did the cost of 20 attendees really break over the cost of 19 attendees? And, as an organization, can you afford to loose the one woman who would come on camera? Who would interact with the speaker? That's a look you want?
Never forget that women have to scratch and fight for their place in this world. I realize that I'm pointing to the tiptop --these are microaggressions towards women in the very elitist of educational areas, XR for education. The iceberg of violence towards women statistics are sobering. 1 in 5 women have experienced physical or sexual violence in the past year.
But it is out there. Violence and hate against women is real. Be careful who you chose as your friends.
UN Sustainable Goal #5 Gender Equality.
https://www.un.org/sustainabledevelopment/gender-equality/
