The Day I Almost Invented Roof Sledding

 

Photo by chris robert on Unsplash 

When you are the youngest of 5 kids and you set about inventing something new on your property, it's pretty hard because there are 4 people above you that have flown, broke, set on fire, eaten, gassed up, duct taped, and welded so many things already that the range of possible remaining options is quite low.

I was seeking fresh snow to land in, as sledders do, and smooth surfaces upon which to sled upon, as sledders do, one particularly snowy day as I headed out alone towards the tall snow banks Dad had plowed up in the backyard. 

First things first, actual physical sleds are for weenies*. If you MUST sit on something to sled, you can, but true sledders just put their butt down and go for it.  Hence the seeking of smooth surfaces, yes?  This is key for this story. Ideally, you want a nice smooth downhill trail with a big poof of snow at the bottom a nice impact absorbing end. The first few runs down some snowbanks is okay but...

Then I noticed that the snowbanks went all the way up to the edge of the wood shed....which attached with only one small climb to the garage.  Altitude. I could get altitude.

Up I climbed.

First up on the wood shed roof. It is a metal roof so it was slippery but no, this won't do. It was far too shallow.  No sliding here at all. Bah!  Humbug!  But over there, the part of the roof that went over Dad's metal shop...the roof was very steep there and metal.  Almost a nice 45 degree angle and there was a snow bank below it (even though I could barely see it from up here).  Oh ho!

Here we are! Now we are ON TO SOMETHING!!  I'm going to slide down THIS and right into that snowbank and I'm going to invent roof sledding. This is going to be so cool. 😎

You know. My plan would have worked.

It started great.  I carefully placed each leg over the ridge of the roof, together, aiming down. I used all my arm strength to hold on to the ridge (gravity was going to be GREAT!)  I sat up straight and LET GO!

WHEEEEEEEEEEEE!  

3 seconds of pure fun!

Roof sledding worked!

Then, before I knew what happened (I had to reconstruct the events afterwards) I was --and pardon the vulgarity but this phrase truly fits the occasion -- ass over teakettle -- as I was flung forward off the roof right as I reached the edge. But I didn't go down. I went around and instead ended up dangling off the roof, head a couple of inches above the snow bank, arms flailing.  

I distinctly remember asking myself where my feet and legs were. My feet had gone under the roof eves, tucked up there quite nicely. I didn't know they would fit there. Huh. Interesting.

My legs were the active agent here. Or should I say, my snow pants. My snow pants and one roof nail head.  My legs appeared to be around here somewhere but bent.

One roof nail head had snagged my snow pants in the back right leg thigh. My momentum was enough that that nail head jammed my snow pants into a full stop and that's why I flung forward. My legs had stopped going off the roof and I had flipped over 250 degrees from my original position and I was being held---dangling off the roof now-- with no one around-- by a nail head only about 1/3 an inch wide.  The rip kept going...

rip

rip

rip

until I finally struggled enough, twisting with my free leg to land on the side of my face in the snowbank. 

I stood up, panting, snow packed now down my coat from the neck. It wasn't fluffy.

I was shocked. I thought I was bleeding and the only thing stopping me from bleeding was the cold.

I ran back inside to examine what must be a gash in my leg (and not admitting my sled/roof debacle).

I discovered my jeans were fine, my leg was fine. My snow pants only needed a 2 inch "L" shaped sewing repair; one tiny scar of my momentous almost discovery. I went back to look at the roof closely and discovered that there were nails all down the roof (ahem, that's what holds roofs on Heather) and I had not snagged on any of them until that particularly perfectly timed one right before the edge.  

By the way, the roof nail? It was fine. Full recovery. I couldn't see the nail heads before I slid because...of course, they were covered in snow.

 

Sigh, I never slid off the roof again.

But hey, I almost, almost invented roof sledding.


*Yes, I've been known to sled with a real sled.  The story just sounds better if I make it seem like I was brave enough to sled without one. I think truly I was just messing around. I was a kid!

After I wrote this I found evidence, I mean blackmail, I mean a photo of proof of sledding without sleds and sledding with sleds.  Take your pick.

(My goofy brothers)

(Me)